Looking Back...

Been a long time i didnt update this blog! but time goes by and this is how i feel right now....

when i said that i love you, it doesnt mean that i need you.. yet i've also said that i need you, but it doesnt mean that i love you..

when i said that i need you, it doesnt mean that i really want you here by my side..yet i've also said that i want you by my side, but it doesnt mean that i need you..

you might find this so fucking confusing! but no, it's not because i'm a girl that make me feel this way... Sometimes human just dont know what they love, what they need, what they want.. We have to admit that we're such a confused creature. We kept looking without knowing what we've already got in life, or sometimes we really just dont have that yet and that's why we keep walking forward, keep looking what we really love, really need, and really want.

I say, there's nothing wrong with that. For all I know, moving forward is the best way to live your life. Especially, if you consider your life is 'harder' than anyone else. Forgetting the dark and gloomy past, leave it all behind. However, no matter how dark and hard it was, no matter how sad and pathetic it was to remember, sometimes you need to look back and see again what you've left behind.

We ran too fast sometimes, moving on too fast. I moved on too fast and I like to runaway from problems especially problems which I think could suck out my soul and happiness like a black hole in the space out there.

In the simplest language that i could explain, sometimes I walked too fast and I didnt realise that i've dropped something until somebody poked me and gave the stuff back to me. Or sometimes, i also didnt realise that I've lost my friends until they chased me back.

Nevertheless, we would not always got somebody to poke us and tell us that we've dropped something. sometimes our friends would not always chase us to tell us that they're there with us.

Therefore, keep moving forward, keep looking what you really love, need and want.. but slower your pace a little bit sometimes and look back to check what's behind you before you walked too far. There's always a possibility that you'd find your real treasure in between the trace that you've left behind...PS: You never really know what you got til it's gone!

hell of a halloween night

Heyoo, been a really long time (around 2 months) since my last post. Well, I got busy with assignments, been having lots of pressure cos of my film project. We were really left behind, so I been sleeping over at uni recently. But it's all good now. We're back on track and I'm possitive that we can finished everything before Thursday.

Anyway, after working so hard on our assignment, me and my friend decided to celebrate halloween last friday night. Well, we used the excuse to dress up and have fun on halloween night. I dressed up as a super hot vampire and my friend was a zombie bride. We got in town at around 7 pm, grabbed a quick dinner and then decided to go to the Irish Pub. The beer was so damn expensive, so we decided to go to another club.

We found this asian club 2 blocks away from the Irish Pub, which is great, free entry plus cheap beer. We just got excited and bought jugs of beer as many as we can afford. hahaha.. Don't really remember what really happened that night!! This is my 2nd passed out moment in my life!! Hahaha... Anyway, I woke up at uni on Saturday morning, lying on the lining lovely uni chairs, Ains (me friend) was sleeoing under uni table and I got a stranger's phone numbers in my phone.. My friend told me that I danced wid a guy and exchanged phone number, kissed after that I passed out, and spewed in the club. Oh, not forget to mention that I spewed all over the disabled toilet there. Literally... all over the wall according to my friend! hahaha.. But I didnt swear to anyone which is good! I skipped work that morning, told 'em i got diarhea while actually I got a reaaaall bad hangover.. shhhhhh.... *secret*

Hell of a night!! but fuck yea, IT WAS F.U.N!

..... and i dont mind doing it again!! lol.

so what if i dont speak chinese?

Today, I would like to file a complaint to the customers at my workplace (the asian restaurant one).

I would like to ask most of the Chinese customers to, please, ask first whether i can speak chinese or not before you speak the language to me. Most of you guys would speak it right away to us without any concern that we might not speak chinese! I would completely understand if I was in China, but I believe I live in a country named Australia and as far as I remember Australia still use English as their national language. Do you want me to speak Indonesian, Spanish or Korean to you without even asking you whether you could speak the languages or not?? I believe you wouldnt like that either. :p

And so what if one of my great great great grandfather or grandmother is from China?? So what if Im a half blood?? Do u think this is Harry Potter world or something? It's been hundreds of years since they came to Indonesia and nobody speak the language in my country anyway so why would I shouldve been able to speak chinese??

So please with all due respect, be considerate guys! I sometimes in a really bad mood and i've been having a hard time to control my emotion! trust me you dont want me to say something unpleasant to you.. Okay!!

Peace yo! v(-_-)v

Happy Bday!

I just wanna say happy birthday to my home country, Indonesiaaaa!! Happy 63th birthday!!
People might say you're a mess rite now, but I believe you'll be better in time! and you're still beautiful, The Emeralds of Earth's Equator! Hope all the best for you and see you soon.. ^^

And I would like to wish my friend, Jena, Happy birthday too!! I never thought that I would have a foreigner friend who shares the same birthday with my home country! Wish you all the best too Jin! :)

back to my routine

It's been 3 weeks since my last post on this blog. Lots of things has happened within these 3 weeks. I'm back to my routines again. Uni and work, except this time I'm working more than last semester. I wanna try to support my own life. Not try but I should. No matter how I want my parents to be responsible on me, but I guess, it'll be better if I can support my own life. Nobody would nag me about this and that, I could use that money to please myself without considering anyone's opinion, I could have my own life. Although they're still paying half of my living cost and the tuition fees, but I'm just trying bit by bit until I can fully support my life.

I still have time to have fun though, still hanging around with my friends, still got time to do my project, to study Korean, buy donnuts once every 2 weeks, I can still do a little shopping (only cheap bargain stuff tho) hehe.. I couldn't buy anymore nice shoes (at the moment) tho, but I definitely still have some fun in my life. :D

Erasing Your Trace

This is the last news about my crush on this guy that I told you guys in tha last 2 previous posts. Hmm, I finally told him that I like him. Well, not xactly told him directly, I wrote him a letter. A long letter which took me a couple of nights to compose it. The content is.... secreeettt!!

He didn't call me or text me at all after that. Probably he's busy. Well, unfortunately I saw him everywhere. Like the day after I gave him the letter. I saw him in the city, everywhere I go.. When I was walking to the toilet, walking to the bus stop and after I finished work which was 4 hours later, when I was on the bus going home, we happened to be on the same bus. I'm not sure if he saw me that time. Well, he might saw me but didn't know what to say. Same like me, full of questions right now, I wanted to talk to him, just to say goodbye to him properly and be friends like we used to be. But I don't know whether he still wants to be friends with me or not! That's why I didn't yell out his name.

Anyway he's leaving today. He probably on his flight back home now. So I guess it's time to say goodbye. I don't regret of what I did. At least I'm brave enough to say what I need to say. Just hoping what's best for him. So good byee....

*Well yesterday I was browsing on youtube.com and I found this new Indonesian Song. I translated the lyrics for you guys. I embeded the video klip as well. I just thought, it's one of the best heartbroken songs. I have to keep remember that life goes on...

Menghapus Jejakmu (Erasing Your Trace) - Peter Pan

Terus melangkah melupakanmu
Keep moving on, forgetting you

Lelah hati perhatikan sikapmu
My heart tired of the way you behave

Jalan pikiranmu buatku m'ragu
The way you think makes me uncertain

Tak mungkin ini tetap bertahan
This is impossibble to keep going on


Perlahan mimpi terasa mengganggu
Slowly dream feels disturbing

Kucoba untuk terus menjauh
I'm trying to keep distant

Perlahan hatiku terbelenggu
Slowly my heart chained

Kucoba untuk lanjutkan hidup
I'm trying to continue my life


Engkau bukanlah segalaku
You're not my everything

Bukan tempat tuk hentikan langkahku
Not a place for me to hold my steps

Sesudah s'mua berlalu
When things all over

Biar hujan menghapus jejakmu
Let the rain erasing your trace.


Lepaskan segalanya..
Let go everything..

Lepaskan segalanya..
Let go everything..

life goes on..

It's been almost a week since the last news of my broken heart. It's still broken but I feel better now. A couple of days ago, I was no different with zombie. Before I went to sleep I always stared outside the window before I closed my eyes. After I woke up the next morning, I stared outside the window again. I kept staring empty at so many things for those couple of days. I even stared empty at my most favorite delicious food in the world which I usually stared at it with excitement!

After those 2 days, I realised something. I had a few broken hearts moment before, this is not my first time. Even I already had the worst one. But no matter how broke my heart is, the world is still rotating normally. The sun still shines so brightly each morning. Everything still goes on normally. I'm just like a little tiny part of all this gorgeous massive creation.

Even though I feels like shit and don't want to do anything at the moment, but I can’t avoid the fact that I still got other things to do, whether I like it or not. I still have to work to make a living, I still have to study, to continue doing my short film project, and I also still have other internal problems and issues. My dreams still there, are waiting for me to catch them. Life doesn't stop just because of broken heart. Life goes on...

So I reminisced my past, whatever problems I had, no matter how hard it was or no matter how hurt I was, I, somehow, always could manage to get out of the troubles. I always could get up and stand up once again. That's why this time, I have to get up and pull myself together, find a way to keep moving forward, follows the flow of life while finding my own happy ending. I will do well! Gue pasti bisa! 나 잘할게!